Billie Eilish thinks she “tried too hard to be desirable”.
The 20-year-old singer showcased a radical change of image when she shed her baggy clothes and dyed her green hair blonde to pose on the cover of British Vogue magazine last summer in a pink silk corset but now she feels very detached from the pictures and was horrified by some of the backlash she received.
She reflected to Sunday Times magazine: “No matter what you do, it’s wrong and right.
“Wearing baggy clothes, nobody is attracted to me, I feel incredibly unlovable and unsexy and not beautiful, and people shame you for not being feminine enough.
“Then you wear something more revealing and they’re, like, you’re such a fat cow w****. I’m a s*** and I’m a sell-out and I’m just like every other celebrity selling their bodies, and woah! What the f*** do you want? It’s a crazy world for women and women in the public eye.
“Looking back at all of the promo and stuff we did before the album [in 2021], I’m, like, don’t know who that is, but that is not me! I didn’t have any time to think. I just decided who I was. I just became that vibe. And I don’t know if that was necessarily what I really was feeling. I was just grasping on to anything.
“I honestly don’t feel desired, ever. I do have this worry that I felt so undesirable that I may have occasionally tried too hard to be desirable. It makes me sad to think about.”
But the ‘Ocean Eyes’ singer now has a much more “solid” confidence in herself.
She said: “In the past couple of months I feel far more solid in who I am. I feel different now, like I’m desirable. I feel like I’m capable of being as feminine as I want to be and as masculine as I want.”
And Billie views her body as her “ugly friend”.
Asked how her relationship with her body is, she said: “Nowhere good. My relationship with my body has been a truly horrible, terrible thing since I was 11.
“I love that my body is mine and that it’s with me everywhere I go.
“I kind of think of my body as my friend. My ugly friend! It’s complicated. But what are you gonna do?”