Ricki Lake doesn’t think she’ll ever "fully recover" from her late ex-husband’s suicide.
The 51-year-old star was distraught when Christian Evans took his own life in 2017 and though she had been accustomed to the wild highs and deep lows he suffered as a result of having bipolar disorder, she admitted his death came completely out of the blue.
Speaking on ‘The Dan Wootton Interview’ podcast, she said: "Christian had two episodes while we were together. It just keeps going higher and higher and higher to where he thinks he can fly. He left his Range Rover on the side of the road on a freeway because he could time-travel and he didn’t need it any more.
"And I just didn’t see it coming. Then they crash. What goes up has to come down. Then he becomes suicidal and then we put him in a treatment centre. I didn’t know what to do and the second time I had to save myself. It was so outrageous.
"And yet he was my favourite person I ever knew, he was so gifted. They say genius and madness go hand in hand. I was never happier than when I was with him, it’s just a tragedy that I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from."
The ‘Hairspray’ actress – who has found love again with Jeffrey Scult – still thinks her relationship with Christian was the "best thing that ever happened" to her.
She said: "I got the call from his sister and then an email — and I felt him leave.
"I don’t know how I got home to LA. You have to deal with the coroner and his family and his wishes and funeral arrangements. I don’t know how I did it all.
"He’s my favourite person. If I go there I could get really teary eyed — he’s literally the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s nice to be back in London after having these traumatic experiences. I do feel that he’s with me."
Ricki – who has two children, Milo, 22, and Owen, 18, with first husband Rob Sussman – wants to "get rid of the judgement and stigma" around suicide and hopes sharing her story will help others.
She said: "It’s really out of their control, like cancer. It’s not their fault. I know in my heart I did everything I could and I know in my heart by sharing my story I’m helping other people. I don’t want him to have died in vain. I would love to help others by being honest and transparent about what I’m going through."